Know when to stop talking to advance your career.

“Coaching isn’t therapy. It’s product development, with you as the product.”

FAST COMPANY

People don’t automatically trust their employer.  Uh, yeah, duh.  Most of you are thinking – no kidding.  The rest of you aren’t reading this.  I am amazed the stories I hear when I tell people what I do.  They try to understand how it fits into their world by asking me if, for example, those ropes courses, or I do the blind spider web game with team members.  Ugh, no.  I do assessments and work with people to improve their productivity through their communication skills and behavior…. Oh my god does that sound like being sent to the principal’s office?

Naturally when I started to realize the repulsion factor I decided to rebrand my services along with myself.  In that process I asked clients, “what is my super power?”  We all have a super power which we may or may not recognize or honor.  We’ll go into that in a different post.  But for now a response I got is “you’re particularly good at telling me what not to say.”  I said, all coach like, you mean strategize what words to use and how to get to the subject in a way that is social acceptable and potentially terrifically impactful?  She said no, I mean when I should stop talking and when I should NOT say what’s going through my mind.  Oh, you mean trusting the process and the person you’re talking to gets to explain themselves.   No, she said rather insistently, that you helped me understand that not everything that’s in my mind has to come out of my mouth.

That’s when silence does a world of good.  Silence and allowing the other person to talk builds trust.

So back to the new awareness of my super power how do I translate or make that scalable?  I would say that in leadership communication, the power of silence is far greater than most chatter boxes know.   Here’s how conversations go terribly wrong when saying too much:

• Pent up feeling of need to express
• Low comfort level with the uncertainty in silence
• Power imbalance between the speaker and the audience
• No clear idea of what the other party wants or needs
• Previous history of conversations going differently than expected or needed

Do you feel the mistrust that is already in the conversation before you even open your mouth?  Remember that communication is only 7% words.  Maybe you remember that tone is 27% and the rest is how you show up.   So, when you’re verbally dumping and the “listener” is trying to keep up with your rambling and the tone of panicky, frenetic delivery of what might be too much information.  What will they do?

• Tune out
• Go through the process of buying and rejecting your request
• Create escape plans
• Plan your departure
• Plan a new layer between you and them to insulate them from this type of situation

Did you think tune out was the worst thing they could be doing while having to “listen” to your “reasonable explanation?” How do you recognize you’ve said enough?

1. Organize your thoughts
2. Know when you’ve completed the intended topical points
3. Stay on track
4. Listen to yourself

My clients get promoted by building trust in themselves and those around them by doing these simple actions more often.  There is little difference between an audience that you want to persuade to give you budget, headcount, a promotion, a week off when there is no time.  Be clear and be prepared but most importantly listen to yourself.

The motivation to learn about social behavior… the story of my life…

Someone, who is close to me, asked me what I actually do?  Yikes, I might need to actually explain what I do to keep my position of what… dominance?  I don’t really think that’s it.  But I think that if I can’t explain it to the people close to me most likely people who might like to hire me don’t really get what I do either.  So I thought I would tell you the story about how I got to the spot.  Don’t worry it’s not the long detailed version.  No really you can do a word count and you’ll know I left out many parts.

So I went to work for one of my clients.  It was really fun to see how things worked inside this ginormous organization.  I did project management for many fun projects.  I went to a meeting where my boss wasn’t going to make the meeting.   She told me, “don’t make any decisions or give them any final word on anything.  Got it?”  I laughed and nodded knowing she wasn’t kidding.  She thought I was too agreeable coming from years in sales.

The meeting was also attended by ten people from our internal client.  The discussion came around to part of the design which was normal for us and distasteful to them.   Naturally sister organizations would disagree on something.  But, remember I didn’t have power to agree on anything?   So, I told them I would certainly take their concerns back and get them a decision.   The director made her point two additional times and then was getting set to leave the meeting leaving us to finalize the details.  She reiterated they wouldn’t tolerate the design aspect we had on paper.  I nodded.  So you agree to not include that aspect?  I restated the extent of my power which included taking the information back to my camp to get final approval.  She stood to leave leaned in, looking me in the eye and pointing her finger and then said one more time, “you will not include that in the project. Right?”  Clearly I was out ranked out-numbered and over powered.  I was reluctant to go back to my boss and tell her I caved I said, “you know I don’t have the power to agree?”  She leaned further across the table toward me and repeated her demand to which I said nothing and she walked away.

Surprisingly she acted like that knowing I had no power.   The other surprise was that not one of the people who worked for her said anything when she left.  In fact they weren’t even looking at me.  The meeting moved on as if it didn’t happen.

Back in my camp we conceded the issue without much fuss.  But that situation really stuck with me and I was so curious about the occurrence of leveraging physical power that went to grad school to get a degree in organizational management development.  What I learned about that type of leader is they are leading from the place of the lack of power or really big fear of failing or being shown up or something else.  That behavior served her but at what cost to the team, the strategic partners or the project profitability.   That behavior really requires recovery time.    Certainly isn’t a positive influence or very motivating to the people their team.  And I would guess that people don’t flock into her office to work for her.

So getting back to what I do as a Leadership Development Consultant is to work with organizations to create systems of development where leaders at all levels learn skills that allow them to authentically lead from their own personal power.  They are naturally more influential, more motivating, sought after as a hiring manager and their teams get so much more done.

Strategies include communication skills of all type; presenting, writing, conflict, coaching, interviewing, tough conversations like disciplinary, cross cultural, motivation, legacy, branding, managing emotion, mentoring, career management and more  depending on the individual needs.

Systemic development strategies; mentoring programs, cohorts and mastermind groups on a specific skill or talent, time limited programs of development, leadership development programs for all stages of leaders, developing and leveraging stakeholders, coaching skills and programs, utilizing stock or off the shelf development tools like Myers Briggs or 360s and other ideas.  More importantly solutions come from the conversation around direct need and the goals.

Ideally that answers all questions but usually it starts a dialogue…..bring it on!

Suggestions for Global Teams – also good for local teams

From Harvard Business Review management tip of the day, adapted from “Leveling the Playing Field on Cross-Cultural Teams” by Andy Molinsky.

Managers of global teams need to make special considerations to ensure everyone is able to contribute, regardless of their culture or location. Here’s how:

• Make the team norms explicit. People can bring different and potentially conflicting communication approaches to the table. It’s critical to discuss how those will influence the standards and expectations of your team.
• Create an inclusive team environment. Some individuals can feel intense social pressure around people from other cultures, especially when other non-natives seem to be doing “just fine.” Work hard to create a “safe” atmosphere so members are able to express their concerns.
• Give everyone the right skills. If your team’s culture is essentially Western and you speak English, dedicate time and resources to making sure everyone has the skills in these areas necessary to contribute to their fullest.

PW adds: These are great ideas for global teams.  And adding this sensitivity to all teams would make the work place world a better and more productive place…

From VitalSmarts email Crucial Skills – Procrastination

Dear Crucial Skills,

I tend to procrastinate overwhelming work projects until the last minute and know this bad habit is keeping me from advancing in my career. I feel like I’ve tried everything, but nothing has helped. I don’t know how to change. Can you help me?

Habitual Procrastinator

Dear Procrastinator, (written by Joseph Grenny)

Funny you should ask. I’ve managed to put off writing my response to you for three weeks now! But I’m flying home from Chicago and our editor, Angela, is firmly but politely requesting I get off my rear—so here goes.

We recently found that procrastination is a pretty pervasive problem. In fact, it is one of the top three Career-Limiting Habits we identified in a recent study. For some, these habits have cost them pay or promotions. But even those who can’t count an absolute cost of the habit acknowledge they could have achieved significantly more in their career if it hadn’t been for this chronic weakness.

I fall into the category of people who can point to specific losses caused by procrastination. At age seventeen, a partner and I wrote one of the first accounting applications for the newly emerging microcomputer industry. It was an instant success with our immediate clients, and I knew that if I would invest time standardizing the software and creating high-quality documentation for it, we could make millions. I didn’t. And within a year, a competitor went to market in that uncontested space and cashed in. Live and learn, eh?

But the good news is I’ve discovered a few simple sources of influence that have a remarkable effect on my energy, focus, and productivity in these crucial moments. I also got an enormous number of responses on our Crucial Skills blog and on Facebook from clever readers who have found their own ways to kick this habit.

Without further delay, here are some ideas:

Make It Motivating

• Make it a game. Even noxious tasks become engaging when we give them the characteristics of a game: focus, time limit, and a scoreboard. When I sit down to work, I make my scoreboard. I write down the number of things I want to get done before I relax. I limit my list to the number of things I can reasonably accomplish. It’s remarkable how motivating it is to check things off my list. Several readers actually use a timer. I think that’s a great idea to increase the “game” sense of focus, and to link the experience to a promise of reward.
• Repeat motivating statements. A couple of readers keep motivating statements at hand that help them reframe the decision they’re making in their crucial moment. Suzy said, “My favorite procrastination advice is, ‘If you have to eat a frog today, do it first. If you have to eat three frogs today, eat the biggest one first.’” Donald added, “I put this note on my PC: ‘Production Before Perfection’ to remind myself to create something even if it is imperfect and then focus on perfection.”

Build Skills

• Read a book. Lots of people have found useful tools in books that help them increase and focus their mental energy more effectively. Some favorites were The NOW Habit by Neil Fiore, The Procrastination Equation by Piers Steel, and Getting Things Done by David Allen.
• Treat productivity like a skill. Pick a small amount of time to focus your attention, then stop. Brett said, “Here’s a mantra I’ve found very effective at battling my own tendency to procrastinate. It’s four simple words: Make progress every day. Once I get started on something, even if it’s with the mental goal of saying ‘I’m only going to do this one thing for fifteen minutes’, it often leads to more. When it doesn’t, at least I have the satisfaction that I did indeed make some progress that day.”

Get Support

• Find a friend. Barb shared an experience where she learned from a friend: “You can learn to overcome [procrastination] by pairing with someone who has a different style. My boss, the ultimate procrastinator, and I worked together for many years. We made a great team. Instead of being a thorn in one another’s side, we used one another as a means of support and a sense of balance in how we approached our work. He knew he could count on me to develop a quick plan and start executing. I learned there are advantages to letting some things percolate so you don’t have to retrace old ground as projects often get redirected midstream.”
• Set boundaries with others. One reader recommended setting aside time to deal with problems: “A large part of managing yourself is managing who is allowed to interrupt you and when. One of the techniques I now employ is a ‘problem hour.’ As e-mails, phone calls, or other issues interrupt me, I push them to my problem hour. If the issues arise after my problem hour, it’s assigned to the next day’s problem hour.”

Reward Yourself

• Plan fun. Cecelia uses rewards to motivate herself: “My two favorite ways to deal with procrastination balance short- and long-term rewards. Sometimes going to my home office to work feels like being sent to my room. To change that mindset, I focus on how much better life is going to be once the task I’d rather avoid is over.”
• Pick a treat. Erin rewards herself by taking a break: “Dedicate an hour to a difficult task and then reward yourself by going to get a Starbucks coffee, or by having a chat with a coworker as a break.”

Structure for Success

Lots of readers used structural tricks to help make productivity easier. In fact, you’ll recognize lots of structural ideas even in the other sources of influence I listed above. Here are some favorites:

• Break it down. Divide big things into manageable amounts, then decide what manageable part you will accomplish next. Jim shares this story: “My mother died eight years ago and I received forty boxes of stuff to sort through. Three months ago, I started filing or discarding one box a week.” Thinking about one box is motivating. Forty is overwhelming.
• Leave some fun for next time. One trick I use with writing tasks is to never stop until I am on a roll. I make sure that, when I pause my writing, I know what I want to write next—so getting restarted will be easier. If, on the other hand, I finish a complete idea, I’ll have to start next time with the painful experience of figuring out what is next. Pause your work at a place that makes restarting feel motivating.
• Make an appointment with yourself. Erin also recommends you “Schedule slots of time into your schedule similar to a meeting time. Then make sure that time is dedicated only to the task. Schedule the most unwanted tasks first thing. By the afternoon, you are out of energy and more likely to procrastinate.”
• Build fences. Create an environment where you won’t be distracted. For example, turn off e-mail notifications, put your phone where you can’t see or hear it, close your door, and put in earphones. Some people even use software that shuts down internet access to help reduce wandering impulses.

Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do everything on this list at once—just pick an idea or two, experiment with it, and act like a scientist examining your own behavior as you see what makes you feel more motivated and productive. It’s worked miracles for me. I never made millions on microcomputer software—but I finished this column!

A Gift for You! How to Read a Book… time management style

How to Read a Book

Adler, M., & Van Doren, C. (1972). How to read a book. New York: Touchstone Simon & Schuster.

This book is a must read for anyone who doesn’t have enough time and is doing any higher learning or interested in staying current or just alive in the fast paced world.  Anyone who needs to read, comprehend and possibly regurgitate data from non-fiction books.  Here are my notes from the book.

Inspectional Reading, p. 32  — read the cover, the back of the book and the preface… do you want more information?

Skim or “pre-read” a book to see if it’s worth reading.

1. Look at the title page and read quickly the preface.
2. Study the table of contents.
3. Check the index.
4. Read the publisher’s blurb.
5. Check the table of contents for chapters that seem pivotal to its argument.
6. Dip into the content here and there sometimes several pages at a time never more than a few pages.
7. Look for signs of contention to the pulse and be sure to read the last 2 to 3 pages.

X-ray, p. 75  — Look for the structure of the book.

Rule 1 – you must know the kind of book you’re reading; fiction or non-fiction and what type.

Rule 2 – state the general idea of the book in a single sentence or a few sentences.  The process of articulating this allows deeper understanding.

Rule 3 – understand the major parts of the book.  How are they are organized into the whole?

Rule 4 – define the problem or problems the author is trying to solve.

Second stage,

Rule 5 – understand and then interpret the author’s key words.

Rule 6 – Grasp the author’s arguments, by finding them in or constructing them out of sequences of sentences.

Rule 8 – determine which problems were solved and which were not solved and whether the author knew they were omitted or left open.

Critiquing a book fairly, p. 137

Rule 9- read with an open mind.  What does the author offer?  Suspend an opinion before starting to read.  The author has a point and as a reader it’s your job to discover that point.

See?  It’s easy to read all those business books there was not enough time to read.  Now you can be the one saying… “Have you read…?”  Or “I read in ….”  And you’ll be happy to move those books off your to do pile.

Enjoy!

11 Tips To Assess Team Cohesiveness.

Silence is an indicator

When the person was finished explaining their point, I was asked if I had questions. I started to explain myself (it was the first space for me to address the suppositions made) and was immediately cut off. This happened two more times. The second time, I said I understand and I hear you. The third time, I said I hear you loud and clear. Then I was asked for feedback. What do you think my reply was?

It used to be that the cutting edge way of managing was “walking around.” Now, that has to come in a different form of being available and seeing what people need to move their projects forward. How do you measure team cohesiveness? Who cares about team cohesiveness? If you’re interested in “doing more with less” or cutting back on the budget, why not put your attention on something that isn’t a line item on the P & L?

Focus on the unspoken.

Here are eleven behaviors to watch for on staff meeting calls to tell if you have room for improvement:

1. Blocks of silence when asked for ideas or questions.
2. Lack of new ideas unless they’re previously provided by you.
3. People complain less.
4. People complain more.
5. When certain people are on the call, ideas don’t flow or the conversation shifts.
6. Lack of eye contact or lack of use of video on web calls.
7. People disappear at the end of the day without letting anyone know.
8. People disappear during the day without letting anyone know.
9. Email trails get longer and a little snarky.
10. No one taking the risk to ask “bad” or “stupid” questions.
11. Watch who asks questions in public and who doesn’t.

When a team works, you know what it sounds like. When people enjoy each other, there is a comfortable quiet or there is laughter or there is an audible appreciation of others. When a team doesn’t work well together, you can see the conversation direction being one way. The interactions are probably directed to and from the leader.

In facilitating a group I co-led with another professional, the styles differences were pronounced, at least to me. When I was asked a question, they expected for me to answer the question. There are 15 people in the room who all have opinions and understand the environment better than me. That’s another way to assess the need of a group. When someone asks a question, who do they ask? Each other? Does the person in the room with the most knowledge or insight to the situation get directed the question? Or are they asking the safest person?

If you want silence, you know how to get that. If you want improved productivity, listen to what’s not being said. If you want to know more about wrecking the silence, study something about motivation and influence.

What to do to get more from your team on staff calls:

• Create social norms that are agreed upon.
• Have each person play a role or a position to ensure inclusion.
• Create space (time) for intense virtual brainstorming for problem solving.
• Start with each person telling what’s new and what’s good.
• Cut people off who like to hear their own voice after the diminishing point of return.
• More ideas….call me….