Layoffs, Leadership and Emotions: The Trifecta of Discomfort

Being the social scientist that I am, I was drawn to do some research on the human side of layoffs. I found a statement which said, “…dismissing 1% of your work force evokes a 31% increase in turnover.” I just threw that out on social media. It was from a credible source, so I just threw it out there. Several people asked questions (Ellen and Kelly), prompting me to dig further. Here is some context from the article and some additional change management thought process.

The article, by Wendy Mack and Deanna Banks, spoke to leaders about managing the process of ensuring that the work force is appropriated properly on their bottom line. These leaders must make very unpopular decisions. They most likely don’t feel good about the selection process, or about facing those people, in the process of turning them out onto the streets. But nobody thinks about them, do they? Well, not managing the human side of being a leader carries a hidden cost. As the process of laying off employees starts, discussions held behind closed doors become secretive. That is where the article says things go terribly wrong. The secretive nature of the meetings may or may not be public knowledge, but it can cause the energy or vibe in the office to change, and people react to that inherently. Leaders don’t want to alarm people so they say nothing – or worse, they may not be truthful. Employees find this unsettling. They feel unappreciated and certainly not part of the team. Unfortunately when the truth come s forward the trust is broken.  This is a lot of energy directed in places other than work.

Layoffs are often executed with very little processing time. One minute, someone is called into an office and the next minute, they’re escorted out of the building. The co-workers with whom they have relationships they’ve cultivated daily, possibly for years and sometimes for longer than their marriages, are left standing, wondering what happened. They are also wondering what’s next for them. This is not an environment of safety. It’s one that evokes the basic reaction of fight or flight, which Walter Canon described as a very human response to fear.

Now in the work place, it’s not politically appropriate to fight. Nor is the timing any better when you’re in danger of losing your job. ‘Just deal with it quietly,’ that’s the implicit message when a leader swoops in, fires someone, then goes back into their own office and closes the door. The remaining employees are left grieving the loss on many levels; for those relationships, the illusion of security, the understanding of their job duties, the environment of safety, and their value to the organization and team. They are asked to manage their emotions without showing them, plus get additional work done. Naturally, internal productivity goes down and so does customer service.

In addition to worrying about those who’ve been discarded, remaining employees may also believe they are next. The only sure way to check their value is by leaving.  People react with fear. Leaders who are especially adept at human interaction will save many of those relationships and, just as importantly, all the tacit knowledge and skills that are in those employees. These are leaders who minimize the “survivor’s sickness” of which Wendy and Deanna speak in their article. They also minimize turnover.

The quick version of their recommendations for how to ease the people side of layoffs all stems around grieving and continuing to communicate through the process. The hot new idea (it’s about time!) is ‘transparency’. That’s just clear communication and allowing people to know what’s going on so they can contribute.

• Senior leaders must be more available and visible.
• Communicate openly internally, as if the employees are part of the team. Don’t just parrot the crafted verbiage which investors want to hear.
• Allow time to process: both the trusted employee being laid off and the remaining employees are left to pick up the pieces of their loss.
• Know that your employees are watching how you treat those who are leaving.
• Appreciate the additional workload for those employees remaining.
• Again, realize that your employees have relationships with those who’ve been impacted.

Now what? As a leader you’re wondering, what should you do? Build in support for those in the positions to execute the layoffs. Expect a period of time that will really show the impact of the changes that have been made. As a leader, you have the same emotions, but you have additional responsibilities to the company and to the employees. Open your door and listen. You will hear the ‘state of the state’ and be able to minimize negative impacts. People need to be heard. The article describes emotions that are likely to appear: Shock, anger, fear, anxiety, hopelessness and sadness. These aren’t stages that all people go through, but some will feel them. Listen for signs that people are getting stuck in these emotions.

Sheila Simon, a Minneapolis Spiritual Grief and Business Consultant, suggests a simple set of questions from Dr. John Schneider to help people move through their grief. This is not easy, but it is simple. Ask, “What is lost?” Then ask, “What is left?” And when you’ve moved through those questions and the group is ready, ask, “What is possible?” When you get to what is possible, the sparks will really fly, bringing in new life and new ideas. If you’re uncomfortable holding those conversations, hire a trained facilitator or coach to hold conversations and get the emotion out of the corners and into the room, where you can honor and face it.

Communication through change is essential for smooth transitions. Managing people can be messy, and so is change. But ‘business as usual’ isn’t going to work anymore.

Resources:
Mack, W. & Banks, Ph.D., D (2009) Leading after Layoffs: Best Practices for Re-Energizing Your Workforce, wendymack.com , retrieved 10/21/09 from http://wendymack.com/resource-center/layoffs-anxiety-energy-ebooks-wendy-mack.html.
Bridges, W. (1988). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing Company.
Bridges, W. (1991). Managing Transitions: Making the most of change.  Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing Company.
Schneider, Ph.D., J. (1989, 11/03/09). The Transformative Power of Grief. Noetic.org Retieved 11/03/09, from .http://www.noetic.org/publications/review/issue12/r12_Schneider.html.

Motivational Idea for Week 35

Motivation is even more important today than a week ago.  Actually, not really more important, but just as important as it was a week ago.  It’s Sunday night, the Packer’s are beating the Bears  so all is right with the world.  Now I am starting to think about my week ahead.  I promised that I would put new motivational ideas here weekly.  Since I couldn’t get it posted on Friday I thought I would add this before the next week started.

Week 35
Start a book club – a business book club.  Put it on the calendar and put it into the work day.  They may (like there’s even a chance) not get time to read during the day.  But talking about the content of the book during the day makes sense as it’s a strong component of leadership development.  The employees build their library, you build your people, you gain a cohesively formed team, and they build internal relationships and grow their resources especially if the club is cross departmental.   Select the list of top business books including a selection of team building, communication skills, presentation skills, change management, innovation or biographies.  When they come to consensus on the books they are using team skills and self forming groups with emergent leadership.  It’ll bring out useful skills in other situations.

Start with one of my great take-aways from grad school which is a book on how to read a book in 30 minutes.   I thought this was an optional book.  But it was THE single best book I bought, EVER!   The book is by Mortimer Adler and it’s called How to Read a Book: The Classic Guide to Intelligent Reading. This book will save you and your people hours of time wading through the pulp of a great book.  They will read more if they can get through the books faster.  So will you.

If your team is dispersed bring them in via teleconference.   The program would be especially effective with a sales team who is separated by distance around the country.

Establish some ground rules or let them form their own group and rules.  Here are sample ground rules:
1.    Get a core group of people to start it.
2.    Establish a regular schedule.
3.    Advertise the program.
4.    Create a simple list of questions to create a dialogue on the book; over all reaction, biggest take away, any surprises, any inconsistencies, anything we can implement, how?
5.    Ask for stand in facilitators to each volunteer to manage a meeting.
6.    Start with a list of books to schedule.
7.    Give it twelve months with a few months off during vacation season or the tough season for your business.

Trust that you employees will be responsible and fulfill their commitment to the group.  They will have to contribute or be noticeably a slacker.  Regardless of how much they read they will get the gist of the book and the benefits of reading the book by attending the meeting or reading part of the book.

I would love to hear how this idea works in your office.

It’s September 1, 2009 – are you ready to succeed in 2010?

Motivation is the new black!

August is over! As we head into the fall (yes, I said fall) have you securely looked at your 2010 plan? As I write I am stunned at how 2009 passed so quickly. For the past three years that I have been in my own business and that has been a blur. To say that I have learned a lot would be the understatement of my lifetime. I have learned a lot about the difference between marketing a product for another company or a service for another company and marketing my own product and company. Entrepreneurship is not for the faint of heart but more satisfying than I would have guessed. Staying motivated to increase innovation to grow business, or grow in your career is a challenge that all my clients address.

What will you do to ensure success in 2010? Need ideas that result with contribution that don’t add much to the expense account and bring out the best in your employees? Need ideas of how to rejuvenate the innovation of your employees to problem solve with a new spirit?  Building morale is a top issue for most companies with the remaining employees.  Please have basic needs that go far beyond money in the workplace.

Here are 5 low cost ideas to motivate innovation and renewed spirit:

1. Reward with time off. Truthfully the team pitches in for everyone else when they are gone knowing they will get their own time. Even an afternoon or a few hours during the day to do “market research” will cost your company very little. Create a team +building experience or send them out to research and report back.

2. Reward with promotional items that only certain levels get but there is a surplus. In fact you could create a point system and then have a “garage sale” like the state of California.  Even items that are in the storage area that still have value.  Do you need to keep all the office furniture of those who are gone?

3. Do you have a development budget? Send them to a class of their interest and don’t require it to directly relate to their job. They will come back with new ideas.   Even a cooking class might bring treats from home.  But there are valuable skills developed in any class.  Completing the class brings a true sense of accomplishment.

4. No budget for development? Create a series of “lunch and learns” taught by your own employees. Someone has greater knowledge of a topic than others. Create a white board for ideas of topics from the group. Then ask people to volunteer to facilitate the experience. Give them guidance on facilitation. You have a development program for each facilitator and the attendees are building new skills. Work related or not the act of learning something new build creativity.

5. Lunch with a leader. Have each business unit or department create the problem to solve with a Big Idea and the best idea wins the contest. The prize is to have lunch with a leader of their choice. Leaders must say yes, and they must have lunch within two weeks. Leaders buy the lunch. You may want to put a hierarchical definition of leader so the employees stretch their comfort level. You may want to suggest talking points or questions to ask those leaders to create more comfort. With this you open new lines of communication and get big ideas!

Finding the right motivation for employees is far more valuable than money especially when money is not available.  Right now, motivate with ideas that you can leverage to give you the lever of strength for 2010 strength. Find even more ways to motivate your clients on a shoestring budget at my blog. I will put a new idea every week from now until the end of 2009. The site is www.sage4change.com/blog and you’ll know what to do immediately!  Post your ideas or successes to motivate your teams!  Everyone needs new ideas on how to grow business!

Just so you know my motivation (mission) is to be a conduit to bring back the light in people’s eyes by energizing leaders and employees with their own strengths and ideas. At the end of the day to be the conduit to senior leaders realizing the improved contribution they make with a few subtle differences in approach or to putting a strategy in place where all the corners of the organization own their value propositions and honor coworker’s contribution.

It’s so satisfying but I don’t always know when that happens. My incentive is hearing from you. Whether you connect with me on Facebook on Twitter @weilandpatricia and follow me or LinkedIn and say hello. I will be even more motivated to write more and research more budget sensitive solutions to grow your business!  Check back here weekly to find a new idea!

Motivation When the Job Search Dries Up

The Pipeline Dry…Now What?

You’re out!  You’ve told everyone you can bear to tell you’re on the market and what you would like to find.  You’re networking like the books say.  You’re doing everything right.  It’s just not falling into place as fast as you would like.   Now what?  Just like you wouldn’t allow your staff or the sales team or your kids to quit until they’ve finished the job, you can’t quit going after the right job until you’re placed in the position which satisfies your career goals.  You have consulted your financial advisor and you know your situation with the impact of losing income.
How do you stay motivated?   You were are so driven in your career that you don’t get why you might be slipping here.

Motivation is intrinsic.   What does that mean?  Yeah, I need a job…so this is brilliant?  Actually “they” have been studying motivating employees since the industrial revolution (20’s and 30’s) where changing the lighting, either making it brighter or darker increased productivity.  One study in the Harvard Business Review from the 70’s from Harry Levinson called the “Great Jackass Fallacy” where the leaders are genuinely stunned the employees don’t actually have the same motivation as they do.  They had no idea that employees should be involved in decision making.  But of course you’re well aware of all that.

McClelland, who widely speaks to the motivation need theory and groups managers three ways – whether they need to be likes (affiliative), ones who need to achieve (achievement) and get things done, and then there are the ones who are driven by power.  I am sure each one of these descriptors has a face when you read through these.
Frederick Herzberg makes more sense to me.  His study from the sixties Motivation-Hygiene Theory proposes that employees are motivated more by the job than the pay or benefits.  The environment, the pay, benefits, social aspects or how you get along with your co-workers won’t actually de-motivate you.  They won’t motivate you beyond a certain point either.  But he contends that the level of challenge in the job, how autonomous you are in your job, your intrinsic interest and how much opportunity for creativity you bring to your job.

Yeah, yeah, get to the part where I can be more motivated in my job search.  Well, glad you’re still reading.  I believe that once your job search is up and running the challenge diminishes. Really your resume looks good and even you’re comfortable with it.  Your contacts all (first tier and part of the second tier) know that you’re looking.  And quite frankly it doesn’t take you all day to do the search.  It’s quiet.  Going from being attached to a bberry 24/7 to managing the search details in a few hours a day is a cultural shift that’s odd.  New behavior is odd.  Silence is de-motivating.  Or is it?

Tactical tips on how to stay motivated using evidence based motivational theory:

• Challenge yourself to sit in the silence – great ideas fill a vacuum.
• Know that doing the same hours from the corporate drive is going to burn you out fast. Put in the effort in 3 to 8 hours a day and then do something replenishing.
• Find a job that you think would be fun but not directly related to your past – challenge yourself to find experience and transferable skills you would bring to the job.
• Go to the library – librarians are the least used resource as a brainstorming partner.
• Go hit balls at the driving range – not as expensive as a round and you never know who will be next to you or in line to get a beverage.  (do something of interest while networking)
• Paint your house.  By doing something outside your norm you are challenged and the head space leaves room for creativity.
• The job search is entirely autonomous as it is up to you to create the pathway to new employment.
• Ensure that your target job search is true to your intrinsic interests and values.
• If there is a to-do item that goes from day to day without?  Take a strong look at it.  Is it important?  What will it feel like to finish?  Either take one step towards it or take it off.
• Work doing something for a non-profit or someone in need, volunteering will at least help you know that you have something to contribute.

Your challenge when the immediate energy dwindles is to pull out the motivation to create a list that might be what you thought of second tier.  Maybe you’re on the third tier.  It’s still up to you to come up with new ideas and stay positive and more importantly stay engaged in the search. If you need help find a job search group of like-minded colleagues.  If you can’t find one – start one.   If you want help with ideas, motivation or support — call a coach.

10 Ways to Energize Your Job Search!

What to do if you don’t know what to do.

So I have spent more time procrastinating on this blog than ever before. Oh…I guess I am not counting the time before I even started the blog and posted my first one. It’s amazing what a person can do to distract oneself from the task at hand. Is distract the right word? Or would protect be a better word? I don’t know since blogging is the way I will connect with people who need to change their organization or want to change their career. If I don’t blog my business won’t grow. That seems like that should be incentive enough to move the hands to keyboard right? Well eventually it was or you wouldn’t be reading anything new on my blog. But what was the problem? In looking back I don’t know the exact spot where the problem rises and thwarts my efforts to succeed. What I do know is that procrastination is insidious and comes in many logical rational forms which give appearance to working. It looks like I am actually doing my job but am I doing the most important thing I need to do at the time.

Part of my problem was that I wasn’t really clear on what to write about. I coach on conflict but I see so many people stuck in the hard part of change. What’s more important? Either way it’s a conflict either with yourself, someone in your organization or the change itself. So I sit at a blank page and what? I don’t usually work that way. I do nothing (or so it appears to those watching) and then when I write it takes no time at all. But until I get the idea I am flustered and actually quite hard on myself. So instead of giving you ideas of growing your emotional behavioral self I am going to give you ideas of what to do when you need to germinate an idea, or motivate yourself to write that cover letter or pick up the phone to call someone new in your network.

Ten ways to bring new life into your change process:

1. Take a break from your electronic screen(s). A full cup cannot accept more. With additional room (quiet) you’ll find new ideas. Look away from the screen. Besides you don’t let your kids watch as much TV or play as many video games as they want to and you know why, because it doesn’t evoke creativity.
2. Coach someone on the same topic. Doing something nice for someone else feels good but it makes you aware of what you can do. It’s actually third order of learning which solidifies new information in your own brain and behavioral pattern.
3. Finish something that’s hanging out there. It’s started. It was a great idea when you started it. It’s just hanging out there calling to you. FINISH IT! You get the reward of it being done but positive psychologists connect accomplishment to happiness which I equate to creativity.
4. Give back to the community. Volunteering, positive psychologists show incremental sustainable happiness through helping others. Get involved with an organization that brings out your passion; you’re productive, it feels good and who knows who you might meet.
5. Bring a plant home. Digging your hands in the dirt has great rewards. First it’s good for the planet, second the feeling of your hands in the dirt brings you back to solid ground (no pun intended) and third the physicality of moving dirt around for live entity is empowering. Better yet start a kitchen garden and grow some delicious food that nourishes you body and mind which would be the fourth benefit.
6. Find something, anything to be grateful about. It might even be that your cup of coffee is the exact right temperature. People who are mindful of all the good in their lives are shown to have more genuine happiness.
7. Take a walk even if the weather isn’t optimal. Put your sneakers on and go outside. Say hello to everyone you see. I live in LA and it’s fun to get the surprised response from people. Connecting with people even at that level brings humanity back to your day.
8. Call someone who’s always delighted to hear from you. They may be an Aunt or an old friend whom you know would LOVE to hear from you. Those ten minutes can make their day and yours. If you can ask for their help on your stuck situation you might get a great idea. Who knows? They might have a lead or an idea for you. They have friends who have friends or kids in high places you’d like to be.
9. Plan a future date for something fun. How will you celebrate your new job when you get it? Is it a ski trip next season? A trip to botanical garden? Long lingering lunch with a dear friend before you go back to work?
10. Prepare to be busy. You know this time when you aren’t crazy busy will be gone before you know it and those projects that take time could be moved along now. Get new systems in place so when your time is much more structured things will go more smoothly.

In other words when you’re stuck or at a standstill with the job search or the project at hand do something counter intuitive. It’s amazing what happens when you take a break and replenish the juices. Stephen Covey in his book Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, talks about sharpening the saw using the analogy of cutting lumber (task) with a dull saw takes more time to cut the same amount of wood, than taking the time to sharpen the saw and then proceed with the same task. In that respect you could coach someone else on how to do the same thing you’re trying to do and see how productive you become. Now go play and find some new ideas!

10 signs you are in the way of getting a job

10 signs your emotions are getting in the way of getting a job

1. You didn’t go outside today (or yesterday.)
2. You stop taking calls from friends.
3. You wonder when telling people what’s going on if you’ve done enough or worse.
4. Your favorite thing to do is sleep. Or you wake up in a dark place you don’t like.
5. Late night television is better than going to bed.
6. Alcohol consumption increases to point of distraction. Whatever your drug of choice is that physically changes you or distracts you from getting a job.
7. You don’t go to networking meetings because “they don’t work.”
8. You talk to potential employers and network connections about how wronged you’ve been.
9. Even you wouldn’t hire the person on your resume.
10. You resent your coworkers who didn’t get laid off.

If you identify yourself in one of these issues, you’re reeling from the impact of layoffs. Yes, there is the financial part which is hard and fast. There is the tactical, technical part which again is logical and tangible. These are completely understood by you and your family.

But what are you doing with the actual process of grieving the loss of who you are without the J.O.B.? Many large brands laid off hundreds of thousands of people this past year or two. In our culture branding is synonymous with decision making. You decide quality and purchase value before you even enter the buying market. When employed by that brand your job is to build that business. That means you compare and contrast to the businesses you compete with in the line of business you sell. Number one in your industry or was your team number one in your class? Without the giant brand behind you what are you? Are you the candidate of choice? How does that translate to home? It’s worse when you are subconsciously asking if you are the spouse, friend, son, daughter of choice. Branding is innocuous so we don’t think about it. It’s always there. It’s just understood. Walk (or be pushed) away from personal alignment with that brand and you are, um, what? That void is real.

The second issue is time. Time for a job search is non-comparative to the “normal world. If you held any success in your previous position you could be on your blackberry 24/7 and it was active with lots of other people just like you. You called it keeping pace. In fact it was how you stayed relevant. Now how is the pace? Quiet? Can make your follow up calls in twenty minutes? Can you peruse the usual job sites in another hour? Thankfully it takes a couple of hours to truly commit to sending a well written cover letter to the right person by doing a little research into your extended network. Or then what do you do? Do you watch daytime television? How do you fill your day, days, weeks…and now is it months?

Third, how do you explain to those around you how productive you are when you don’t feel like that’s enough? Do you tell your spouse, yes, I only applied to one job? Has your enthusiasm faded in your search? You feel it, your family feels it. How do you reassure them when you need reassurance? They have the same fears as you. When they ask you about the path you’re on they want you to be strong and they may not be able to mask their fears after time either. When you both need reassurance what happens? You still need to have a brave front face that empty page every day.

There are people who can help. Get individual or group support with people who aren’t directly impacted by your layoff but can support you through yours. Even if you’re excited to be moving to the next step it’s okay to surround yourself with a productive group of supportive people. Who are facing the same issues as you face. It’s time to talk about what’s going on inside.  I know…I have been there.  It’s a wild, but not fun ride.

Patricia Weiland
www.sage4change.com

Fearless Job Search – What’s that?

What to do with the emotional side of unemployment?

No one talks about the dark side of being out of a job.  That place is reserved just for you.  You don’t share with anyone just how scary unemployment can be.  That’s a lonely place.  What do you do when you’ve gotten the thirteenth voice mail instead of talking to a person or the third no?  Do you walk to the kitchen to grab something cool to drink and you look twice at the beer but realize, it’s only 10:00 in the morning?  Nice.  So you’re unemployed and a drinker. That won’t help but it sure would feel good.  Then you realize (again) that you’re still responsible for the safety and welfare of your family and oh yeah and responsible for you.  Uh huh!  It’s no small a task to stay fearless in the face of rejection.  But who wants to hear about the rough side?  Not my ____ .  Fill in the blank with wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, parents, or even my friends.  They can’t stand to see me suffering.  They want it over as badly as I do.   In fact they are going through their own version of this situation.  What do I do?
Does this sound familiar?  When I was “impacted by layoffs” from an offshoot of Disney, I learned a lot about life transition.  Great uh-huh?  Who is up for another life lesson?  Wait we’re in the middle of it.  There is no turning back once you’re laid off you’re going through the process and it’s brutally honest, painful and scary.   What do you do with that?  It’s not all bad but the intensity of these feelings cannot to be ignored.  They can be stuffed but they don’t go away.  You can manage these on your own or you can join a group of people in the same situation as you to discuss the really really of managing the tough emotion of being unemployed or should we call it between employment gigs?

What these calls are:

• Varying topics addressing challenging aspects of the full time job of seeking employment
• Productive way to acknowledge the frustration and release  the feelings
• A safe place to put a voice to the fear without creating a bigger problem at home
• Support through ideation and brainstorming

What these calls are not:

• Tactical approach to the job search
• A bitch fest
• Endless blathering on about the woes of the world

Preview session Thursday  April 9th at 10 am PDT.  Send an email to info@sage4change.com for the phone number a bridge for this complimentary call!  Join us for a real conversation.

Are meltdowns allowed? Even for senior staff or a business owner?

Here we are almost at the end of March.  Didn’t we think things were all shiny and new in 2009?  Things were going to be different this year.  Guess what the first quarter is over. Oh…yeah… my heart sank when I said that in fact the pit of my stomach is teaming with activity.  Running my own business requires more core strength than I first thought.   The truth is that no one really faces how many hours go into growing the business.  No one clearly outlines for you the number of hours you’ll spend thinking about what you could or should being doing.  No one tells you that you’re doing it right.  And unfortunately no one tells you that you’re doing it wrong.  If you just knew you could be productive because you move from the worry to action.  Right?  I guess not hearing an answer to that means I am right.  It’s no different really for leaders and senior executives in corporations.  Leaders are in positions where they are expected to carry the weight of the organization, not show stress, not have tantrums and certainly not ever be fearful.  What if?

What if leaders showed their fear?  What if entrepreneurs really knew the challenges of the lonesome road to creating a new business?  What if senior executives knew that the next step on the ladder was even more isolating than the previous step?  Would they take that risk?  Would they be less inclined to start that business?  Would they decline the corner office?  I say we all knew!  We intellectually knew this wasn’t the easy path.  Not everyone is cut out to get to the top.
Not everyone is cut out for building your own business.  Just like not everyone is fully prepped when they leave college to get that senior level position they think they’ve just prepared to hold. Achievers go where they intellectually know it’s hard but figure some way they’ll get through.  Feeling every hour of the path to success is vastly different.  The path is up and down.

What do you do with those moments when think your stomach will bring up lunch or that your knees won’t hold you?  What do you do?  You’re alone in your office and it’s quiet.  You’re in the car on the way to a challenging meeting?  On a plane when no one is tugging at you as distraction what do you do?

Stop! Where is the feeling?  First take a deep breath sending that oxygen into that area.  Acknowledge those feelings are real because until you do they won’t go away.

Drop! Drop the resistance.  It’s there.  It’s information. It’s your body giving you information that the situation is intense and it requires additional strength.  It’s also way to let you know that your body is holding that intensity

Roll! Roll through the feelings.  Understand those feelings are simply information.  If you acknowledge them the intensity may grow at first but they will diminish.  This is the way your body releases that tension.  Hold on and it grows…roll through it, look at it and release it, it goes away.

It’s going to happen.  Have a strategy to roll through it.  The intensity might diminish if you put a planned release valve in place.  Next time you’re on the verge of a meltdown.  Where do you feel it?  Your stomach aches.  Or your shoulders are practically up against your ears.  Try something new; STOP DROP and ROLL!

Love My Sunday!

It’s Sunday night…do you know where your heart lies? I mean career wise? Sitting here enjoying my Sunday afternoon I am reminded of a time back in my career when I didn’t love what I do. Around 2:30 on Sunday afternoons I started to get a stomach ache. I had to lie down. Really I didn’t think that it was more than just pushing too hard during the weekend and may have stayed out a little too late on Saturday night. Imagine my surprise when my a friend suggested there might be a correlation between Sunday afternoon stomach ache and Monday morning road rage on the drive into work and maybe that I was not suited for that job. What?

My job was great. It was a high profile, prestigious job even glamorous by some standards. So what was wrong with me for not being excited to go hit it hard on Monday morning? Why did I start to worry on Sunday? That job wasn’t right for me.How did I know that? Aside from the stomach ache, which as obvious as hindsight can be, I now see clearly that I had a job fit problem. I didn’t realize something that easily be highlighted by a panel of assessments. Today I would simply read the report from my DISC, which you might be familiar in different forms as a behavioral assessment. Of course since that’s one that I did after I changed my career I and the results were not a big shock. They would be what we call validating or in other words “duh!”

My DISC tells me that highly analytical work takes the wind out of my sails. It’s something I can do but does it play to my strengths? No, I am more about creating relationships and connecting with people than following the strict policy and procedures. My high level of independence doesn’t allow for the rigidity of the environment I was in. That in combination with the tendency to rebel against the rules made for a very difficult working life. The job also called for strong negotiation skills. That was fun but I was a relationship builder and not necessarily a tough negotiator. Life can be so clear when looking at it in the past. Or you can enlist the resources available today. I now realize that I wouldn’t do it any differently. Well, maybe I wouldn’t have taken the DISC earlier and changed to a people oriented job sooner.

Love my Sundays!

The courage to blog…is it easier to just keep doing the things I always did?

Short answer is yes. However….
Today is the day! I am going to speak my mind and enter another something in my blog. Uh huh…every day it’s in my calendar to blog. Every day I press the snooze button on my outlook reminder. Then eventually I just dismiss it. Yes, it’s become “what I do” without acknowledging the cost to me. Of course I am responsible for my behavior since I am an adult. That hard part for a coach is that it’s what I tell my clients to do. Working the way into a more satisfying working relationship with peers or a more satisfying career requires greater emotional intelligence. The only way to increase by emotional intelligence is to increase awareness of what I am doing or as I would tell my clients they’re responsible for their own behavior.
I sit down to write and I feel panicked. Why do I feel panicked? I am not happy about this…I am physically feeling resistance to writing. In fact I am light headed and feel like I am about to pass out. Well, maybe not that bad, but certainly enough to distract me from writing. That doesn’t help me write my blog. Or is that the exact point of the physical reaction? Does that keep my away from what I fear might happen if I blog? How do I figure that out? Hmmm the obvious answer is to get a coach. I did that. Here I sit. The reality is that physical reaction is really good information. If I notice it and stop to find out the source I can address the basis and move through it. If I hit the snooze button and ignore the whole process I won’t ever be able to write.
My choice… do I address it or do I press the snooze button?
I choose to write. So now I am going to ask you to go through the process with me. At least I know I won’t be alone with my panic. Hmmm…. Let’s see where do I start? First a deep breath… okay one more… Then I ask myself where do I feel it? Mine is in the heart…beating fast. What is the worst case scenario? I write, and no one reads it? No…that’s not the worst case. The worst case is that someone will thing what I write is stupid. Okay, that’s probably going to happen. Someone will judge this writing. Okay is that it? No, not quite. What else is in there? Still panicked and feeling it in my heart. I’ll ask again, if some ne reads it and thinks it’s stupid, then what? Seriously, then what? I’ll be embarrassed. And then what? I will be more hesitant to write. Uh huh, and then what since you’re at least getting practice writing and no further behind right? Yes, um…well yes. So now how does it fit? Whew even more panic. Now what? Well I have to write as if I won’t print this or I won’t even get to the bottom of the issue. Well, now what? I am writing with / through the fear. Weird but I think that if I write I will die. Now I don’t think what I will write with incite any riotous action. But that was my thought. Somewhere along the way I was judged harshly for my writing, my words or my thoughts. Well, I grew up Catholic so there is that. But could that be it? Where am I now? Am I free to write? NO? How can there be more. What else? What could be worse than dying? Those words being used against me or worse those words being used against someone else. That’s the problem. I wouldn’t want anything I write to hurt someone. I often work with clients who have difficulty with conflict. When (in my case) blogging it’s for sole purpose is sharing the experience to help someone else through a challenging process by sharing. That should make it easier not more difficult. Does that eliminate the fear? Not entirely… I am still responsible for the content but the panic is diminished and well, it’s just a blog…right?